Voyages

Dining

"New Dumpsters to Savor in Every Port."

Vagibond Voyages is proud to offer a culinary program unlike any other at sea. Our "Dock to Dumpster to Table" philosophy ensures that every meal is a surprise—sometimes even to our kitchen staff.

The Buffet

Our buffet operates on a "first come, first served, don't ask questions" basis. Each evening, our culinary team—led by a man who goes only by "The Colonel" (not affiliated with KFC)—curates a selection of fare sourced from the finest dumpsters at each port of call.

• Day-old bakery items (artisanal by accident)
• Canned goods with missing labels (The Surprise Course)
• Whatever fell off the back of a truck
• A pot of something (contents vary)

The Captain's Table

Each voyage, three lucky Vaginõrs are selected to dine with Captain Reeky Pete himself.

• Premium dumpster selections (restaurant-adjacent only)
• A can of beans per guest (heated)
• Stories of the sea that may or may not be true
• A toast with the Captain's private reserve (Thunderbird, 2019)

Sommelier Services

Our onboard sommelier, Mitch, can identify the vintage of any boxed wine by smell alone. Mitch has never been wrong. Mitch has also never been sober. Let Mitch guide you through our cellar, which is a tarp with some boxes under it.

• Beans (red)
• Beans (white)
• Mystery can (dealer's choice)

Room Service

Slide your request under your container door. If we find it, and if we feel like it, something may appear outside your door within 24-72 hours. No guarantees. This is a relationship built on trust and low expectations.

The No-Women Policy

"The Sea Doesn't Judge. But She Does Have Rules."

Vagibond Voyages maintains a strict no-women policy aboard The Vagibond Smokestack. This is not, as some have suggested, "outdated," "illegal," or "the reason for three pending lawsuits."

It is a matter of maritime tradition.

Since ancient times, sailors have known that women aboard a vessel invite the wrath of the sea. Poseidon is fickle. Neptune is worse. And the ocean—she is a jealous mistress who doesn't need the competition.

We didn't make the rules. The sea made the rules. We simply respect them.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: Is this legal?
A: We operate in international waters.

Q: What about the parts where you're not in international waters?
A: We encourage guests to remain below deck during those times.

Q: Has this policy ever been scientifically tested?
A: We had a woman aboard once. It rained.

Q: Couldn't that have been a coincidence?
A: Next question.

Q: I am a woman and I'd like to book passage.
A: That's not a question.

We thank you for your understanding. The sea thanks you for your respect.